I’m watching Californication on Netfilx, as I anticipate the return e-mail to meet this girl for coffee or frozen yogurt and then to go to the beach. By the time I get an e-mail from her, if at all, will be too late to do anything before I go to work. And I’ve got homework to do after work. I’m not interested in getting angry, that’s why I’m writing here. If I don’t write these feelings here, I’ll get angry at her. If I stay calm, I hold on to some possibility while I figure out if I actually want to spend a month with this girl.

With every girl Hank lays, I feel uncomfortable. It reminds me of the way I saw myself. I’ve stopped trying for everygirl, and I’ve started to focus on the girls I really like.

But girls are frustrating. I dated a girl who really liked the way I made her feel, but didn’t like me. I dated a girl who really liked the adventure I brought into her life but told me she didn’t love me anymore. I cried with every step toward the end of the month for each of them. Every time I cried, I cried a little less.

I’m sure I’m frustrating, too.

What do women want? At first they want some adventure, some excitement. Then they want to keep feeling. When I first started seeing these girls, there was something interesting about me. One girl said I was mysterious. Another said I made her feel better about herself. Another girl told me that she’d never met a guy like me, I was sweet, and kind, and intelligent. I don’t know what you think that women want from you, but if you make them feel something, they’re yours and you can’t screw it up until that emotion fades.

“Don’t cheat on me when you go to LA,” I said to a girl while I was seeing three other girls. Hypocritical on the surface, but underneath I get to have fun, and she get’s to have fun. She get’s to feel like she should forget about those other girls. When I first met her, she knew I was dating someone else. I introduced them. Then when I went on a date with this new girl, all she could say was “BUT YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!”

The strange thing I’ve heard from my neurolinguistic friends is women think emotionally opposite from men. Things that frustrate us are fun for them. Things that are fun or pleasant for us are frustrating for them. So when she fixates on one thing, and all I want to do is get passed it, she’s having fun. When I want to list off options for her so that I can give her the perfect date, I’m ruining it.

Clearly, girls are frustrating. Work with it.

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