Part 1

This Short little waitress looked at me like I was crazy. Not a good start if i was going to get her number. For those of you who do this for fun, you’ll know that bad first impressions can be something a good conversationalist can use to his advantage, but it’s a tricky business. You can’t say too much, or you will look like you’re trying too hard. Imagine a girl as crazy as you can make her. What would she say to you? Probably the same things I said to the sexy new waitress.

When she came back with my food, I was short but sweet. The new me I made was unexpected. She never expected that I would actually connect with her after that embarrassment. I could just hear her talking to the people she worked with. I knew the staff pretty well as I did eat there everyday, but still! Everyday? Who eats at the same restaurant everyday, and who sits in the same section, and orders the same food? I probably am crazy, but I knew how to turn this tragedy around.

“Thanks for the food. . . Alice? Sit for a sec. I don’t apologize to people standing while I sit and I don’t apologize standing while the they sit, So sit . . . Please, it’s important because I want to apologize because I’m really actually a nice guy since I come here a lot”

“Really.” She may have been sarcastically referring to how I come here a lot, but she could be incredulous of any number of things that I said. She continued, “I don’t think I should sit you while I’m working”. After her question, she must have realized that she was getting to close to a customer. She immediately made up that excuse while already making her daring escape from the “crazy” guy. Although she started her escape, she was still interested. I mean, she didn’t leave the moment I asked her to sit down. She didn’t ignore me and just walk away. When it rains it pours, so just open your eyes. Recognize the rain, smell it, hear it, taste it, know how much it really flows; know that it is all yours, and just relax and be average

As she was leaving, she kept looking at me. I knew that if I didn’t real her in, I’d have missed the shot of the big game. I could just hear the people shouting in my head as she was walking away. To anybody else, moments like these go by in slow motion as they watch in awe of the moment slipping away, but me, time goes by so quickly for me, it’s almost instantaneous. I knew what to do here, as I’ve done it so many times.

“You’re right pretty waitress lady,” I obviously knew her name. When I said it, I made it clear that I was being cute and used a saccharine voice, “you should go, but you know, you’ll come back because danger . . gets you going.” I made a pun, she laughed; I was done. I did good.

She stood there for a moment. Her entire world must have slowed down, as she tried to think. Then as she popped back into real-time, I could see it on her face, “Yeah!. . . yeah, um. . .” she was just ecstatic, but I wasn’t going to wait for her to do what I wanted, for any moment, she’d realize that she was being reeled in and decide to swim out to sea. “Aren’t you going to give me you’re number.” She jumped at the chance. “Yeah! Hold on”. She came back a few seconds later with her number on a page from her waitress notebook with her number on it. She must have gone to one of her friends to ask what she should do. I probably got the “O.K.” because most people don’t realize I’m nuts. I’m probably not, but then again, I could be, right?

“I see you are too good a girl to break the rules every once and a while.”

[disclaimer: The inflection and tempo are important to sending the right message. Just because it sounds like it will work in your head doesn’t mean it will work. Relying on the stuff you read may end you up in prison. Just be averaged amazing. If you try to be normal, it sets you apart from the people who try to be amazing. That’s what they mean by be yourself. Short sighted phrasing, but novel idea none the less.]